Big Blue Sky

Tyler in the bluebonnets, Spring 2007






The weather has been so beautiful lately, it’s a nice change from the cold weather we have had here in Central Texas this winter. I love cold weather, but it means staying inside more with the boys which means they are bouncy balls full of energy. It also makes the witching hour quite interesting, but not in a good way, more like a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown kinda way. Yesterday, the high was 83 degrees at our house, so we all put our shorts on and let the sun shine down, brightening our day.

Here are some of my favorite things about warmer weather, the simple things which I live for:

1. Bubbles
Blowing bubbles brings big smiles to my little men. Luke is quite the connoisseur of bubbles. We had a blast blowing bubbles of all sorts of sizes yesterday. Then, I began to ponder and think philosophically about bubbles, if they are each unique, like snowflakes. That they are, and their colors are beautiful, bright and iridescent, reflections of all colors of the rainbow. Blowing, bursting and popping bubbles equal pure happiness in my book. The boys excel at blowing them, but Luke also excels at spilling the bubble solution. Tyler loves popping them with his nose. So outdoors we go, to bask in the sun and delight in the presence of hundreds of bubbles blowing wildly in our yard.

2. The Park
The boys and I love going to the park. Our favorite park is Gatling Gun Park in Shady Hollow. We love to meet-up with our friends there or meet new ones. Tyler loves to swing, slide and fly around on the monkey bars. Luke loves to mingle, play ball, slide and chase his friends. The boys also love riding their scooters, if mommy can remember to bring them. Unfortunately, I forgot them yesterday, but the boys still managed to have an awesome time. I love the established oak trees, which I am sure the boys will enjoy climbing soon. These trees bring lots of shade on hot summer days.

3. The Smells of Spring
I love the smells of the season, especially the flowers, fresh cut grass and clovers – in general, just the sweet smell of springtime. Spring is such a beautiful time of year, a time of new growth and new beginnings. I am hopeful that we will have a beautiful crop of bluebonnets this year. Texas legend states that in years of snowfall and wintery weather conditions, the bluebonnets are in abundance. I am hoping this proves true because I can’t wait to take pictures of the boys in the bluebonnets! Now, if I could just get Luke to sit still for a second.

4. The Sights and Sounds
I love the sounds of the birds chirping, its music to my ears and it means that springtime is around the corner. While we wait for the bus in the morning, Tyler tells me that they are singing a special song to him. I am so glad that his phobia of birds is diminishing. Thankfully, he hasn’t seen Hitchcock’s movie, The Birds. I love watching the old leaves fall and the new growth take form, bright green in color. Green is such a serene color and it makes me happy. The beauty in nature astounds me. I hope that the boys will enjoy the little things, like I do. I am also looking forward to planting some flowers. My dad always gives me hell about it, “Teresa, why do you want to plant something you can’t eat? I only plant things I can eat.” Well Dad, it’s about surrounding yourself with beauty and enjoying the simple things, the beauty in nature. By the way, your fresh vegetables are to die for!

5. Fresh Fruit
Oh, how I love fresh fruit, especially strawberries! They are magnificent this time of year -- big, ripe and full of tasty goodness. If you received some hand-dipped chocolate covered strawberries for Valentine’s Day, know you are greatly loved by me. If you didn’t, there’s always next year. Luke loves fresh fruit just as much as I do. I love his red, rosy deliciously yummy strawberry face. We also love grapes this time of year, they are so tasty. Luke calls them “appies.” We are lucky to live in such an awesome city with a competitive market for specialty food stores, such as Central Market, Newflower, Sprouts and good ole’ Whole (Paycheck) Foods. Because of this, we are able to enjoy our beloved fruits at lower prices.

It’s the little things that make me incredibly happy. A simple smile from the boys makes everything worthwhile, a stroll around the park, looking up and admiring the big, blue Texas sized sky on a beautiful, almost spring day.

Sweet Things

The best things in life are not things. ~Art Buchwald

As the boys get older, their little personalities continue to grow. They are really blossoming; they make me smile and laugh all the time with the sweet and funny little things they do. Here are a few from this week, which like sunshine and big blue skies, brightened my world.

Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching, which means that the boys and I have to prepare Valentine’s for their classes. They both love Toy Story, so we bought some pre-made ones this year which they chose. I think next year I will help them make some like I used to when I was a child. I miss the little things, especially hand-made crafts and cards. When a card is hand-made, you know that whoever made it thinks the world of you. As we were labeling Tyler’s Valentines, he was very picky with the ones he gave to his friends. This gave me a great deal of insight into how he feels about his friends. Since he is not as expressive as other children his age, sometimes it is hard to know his feelings. When he says things like this, I realize that his friends are incredibly important to him, just like mine are to me:

“I want to give this one to Jaden because he is very nice to me.”

This really melted my heart! As a mom of a child with autism, one of the things I worry about the most is how Tyler will be treated by his peers. I especially worry about bullying; so far, so good in that department. I just wish I could bottle this moment up and release it when he is a teenager; kids can be so mean and cruel, especially to those who are different.

Luke is my little wild man, very much like me at that age. He lives life to the fullest every day -- carpe diem is his motto. Last night, as I was helping Tyler get on the computer, Luke turned on the surround sound stereo and put on one of his favorite CDs, “Yummy Yummy” by the Wiggles. Yes, when not listening to Usher, we occasionally listen to children’s music. Tyler decided to come downstairs and dance around like a maniac with his brother. Earlier, he had brought down his clothes basket and demanded I wash clothes. I declined since there were only three things in the basket. So Tyler placed the clothes in the washing machine. Luke took the empty basket, put it over his body and danced around “like it was the last night of his life.” Luke's wild routine was like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance, minus the cage. I laughed uproariously! Then I had a bad thought, “Oh no, is this what we have to look forward to? A cage dancer!” Nothing will ever surprise me with Luke.

At school yesterday, I picked Tyler up around lunch time for his therapy session with Tammy. I walked into the classroom and then walked out to grab Tyler’s lunch box so we could head out. Tyler came outside and told me he wanted a cake, and this is what went down:

Tyler: Mommy, I want a cake!

Me: Is it your birthday?

Tyler: Yes, Mommy!

Me: No, it’s not your birthday, it’s in June. Luke’s birthday is before yours.

Tyler: (In song) Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear mommy, happy birthday to you.

Me: Thanks sweetie, but it’s not my birthday.

I walked back into the classroom and found out that it was his classmate’s birthday and there were cupcakes, which became a problem.

Tyler: I want a cupcake now!

Me: No, Tyler. You can have one when we get back from therapy. Mrs. Geen will save one for you.

Tyler: (getting upset) Mommy, I need a cupcake now! Please. I have to have one.

So I distracted him and pointed out Thumbelina, the hamster, which got his attention. While I did that, his teacher moved the cupcakes and then off we went, without a tantrum. His cupcake was there waiting for him when he returned.

The boys love this show called Bunnytown, it used to come on Disney, but they cancelled it. We bought a DVD with some of the episodes so the boys can continue to watch it. Actually, Mommy and Daddy love to watch it too! Out of all of the shows they love, it is actually one which I can sit down and watch too – it’s hilarious! They started airing the show in the UK, Canada and Europe in 2008 and then here in the US. The cast is mainly a bunch of puppet bunnies. The boys’ favorite segments are “Disco Pirate Bunny” and “Stinky Dino.” In fact, they love role playing “Stinky Dino.” It goes like this:

Tyler (to Luke and with sniffing noises): Ugh, you stinky!

Luke: Me not stinky, you stinky!

Tyler: No you stinky! (dirty dinosaur enters the background)

Luke (with sniffing noises): Me not stinky, Dino stinky! Bath time.

At this point, the boys chase each other in circles around the room. I love watching them role play “stinky dino,” its hilarious!

If you're interested in getting a glimpse into Bunnytown, here’s a YouTube video of the “Bunnytown Hop.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3-tMLwRTqI

These are our happy moments, which increase my laugh lines and always keep me smiling. Guess it’s time to return to a kooky little place called, Grumblestown.

Snow Day Fun

Snow, it only happens once in a blue moon, a rarity here in Austin. Ironically, we also had a blue moon recently. Tyler and Luke were so excited, and squealed with delight at the sight of our snow. As soon as they woke up, we headed downstairs to play in the snow. Forget about changing clothes, we went out in our PJs, rain boots, all bundled up and played outside until the boys' little hands and faces were red from the cold.

Tyler and Luke love Curious George and one of their favorite episodes is "Snow Day." So when I declared it was a snow day, they boys were jubilant. For days, the meteorologists predicted snow, but I was not convinced, especially when we started having freezing drizzle on Thursday night. I am so glad that Mother Nature delivered, for our little snow event brightened our world; just a smile from my boys is all it takes to bring me joy.

Tyler told us, “We need to get some skis so we can go skiing tonight.” Unfortunately, most of the snow melted by the time the boys woke up from their afternoon nap. Luke declared, “That’s some good snow” as he explored and played in it. This is the most snow he has ever seen! Luke was right, the snow was ultra powdery; had we gotten more, it would have been pretty awesome to ski on, especially down the hill in our neighborhood. Here in Central Texas, you have to enjoy snow while it lasts, which is not very long. Here comes the sun...

My Holland

Sometimes the laughter in mothering is the recognition of the ironies and absurdities. Sometime, though, it's just pure, unthinking delight. ~Barbara Shapiro

Being a parent is one of the hardest, yet most rewarding jobs you can ever aspire to have. I love being a mom, but lately I have been feeling like such a failure. When you have a child with special needs, sometimes you feel like what you do is never going to be enough; and then you worry about the toll that it will take on your other children, how they will cope, how you will cope. It’s a vicious cycle of worry. Recently, I have been thinking a great deal about our challenges on the autism journey and how far Tyler has come. I have also thought of how far I have come in this journey, from denial to acceptance. Remembering where we have come from made me forget about my thoughts of failure; it made me feel strong and fierce, like a conqueror of worlds. The past three years have taught me a lot about life and the most important thing is to never give up hope!

When Tyler was diagnosed with autism, I saw all of my hopes and dreams shattered for this “perfect” little life I had imagined. Someone sent me a beautiful poem entitled, “Welcome to Holland,” which was timely and put everything into perspective for me. I am including a link for the poem and I highly encourage you to read it. I had a lot of sadness, anger, resentment; you name it, I felt it. For a while, I mourned the loss of having a “normal child” and not being able to go to “Italy.” I was an emotional trainwreck, so I found the strength and lifted myself out of the darkest depths of despair. But you know what,“Holland,” is pretty damn awesome! It may take us a while to hit our milestones, but when we do, it’s amazing and magical; it makes the struggle to get there incredibly worthwhile. Potty training may be giving me a few extra gray hairs, but Tyler is slowly and surely getting there. He took the initiative and pooped on the potty last night; we celebrated and lived up that moment and made him feel like a million bucks.

Verbally, Tyler has been having an explosion of language. He has also become quite independent and opinionated. An example of his verbal explosion would be a recent trip to a restaurant. We were all ordering our dinner and he says this on cue, “I would like a Grilled Cheese please.” This blew me away! He is especially passionate and opinionated about music. For a while there, he had me burnt out on Usher, who he calls “Usha.” Luke is having the same musical obsessions, which means that if I want to have a peaceful trip anywhere, I will have to give in and listen to their favorites, namely Usher. Recently, I downloaded some new music from I-tunes, some alternative. I made a mix CD with Broken Social Scene, Arcade Fire, Death Cab for Cutie, Phoenix, Metric, Mumford & Sons and Iron & Wine. Surprisingly, the boys love it, especially Metric. Our new favorite song is “Gold Gun Girls” which we now listen to repeatedly. Thank goodness, I was about to sacrifice our Usher CD to the gods.

I love watching Tyler and Luke’s relationship grow, and their brotherly bond deepen. They are so good for each other. I have read that siblings of children with special needs are very compassionate people and we definitely need more of those types in our society today. They look out for each other, laugh with (and at) each other, share their fascinations and, of course, rebel against me. My heart leaps for joy when they hug or tell each other “I love you.” It is in these moments where I feel incredibly blessed and nothing else seems to matter.

A while back, I would get angered when people would tell me, "God chose you for a reason to be Tyler’s mom." I would think to myself, “why didn’t he just give me some super powers or something?” Then I realized that I already have them; I’m an autism mama and he has given me the greatest gift of all, a son to love.

Here's the link for Welcome to Holland:
http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html