Birthday, bunnies and baskets

We had such an awesome weekend with Luke’s 3rd Birthday and Easter. Our fun started on Thursday at school with Easter egg hunts. The boys had a blast looking for eggs! At first, I had to force Luke to hunt for his, instead of opening up the eggs and eating candy. He’s all about chocolate, like mommy. He quickly got the hang of it. Tyler’s egg hunt was also super fun, although he was only supposed to get eggs with his name on them. He ended up getting more eggs than he was supposed to, and the other children in his class were wondering why they couldn’t find theirs. Good thing Ms. Melissa checked his basket! Mystery solved.

It was nice to have Friday off and this was my only thought, “To stay in pjs, or not stay in pjs, that is the question!” I am glad AISD decided to let us have Good Friday off, even though toward the end I was wondering if it was a good idea after all. Tyler got stung by a yellow jacket, and it took an act of God to settle him down. Fortunately, I had a Toy Story band-aid, or else I think he would still be screaming.

We celebrated Luke’s 3rd Birthday with a trip to the Austin Zoo. Our first stop was the train ride. A sweet little girl named Lulu befriended the boys and rode the train with us. Her parents sat behind us and were in shock that she was acting so outgoing. I enjoyed listening to the conversation that she and Luke were having about choo-choos and animals. Luke loved the monkeys, go figure and Tyler was obsessed with the pigs. I must admit, they were both entertaining. The pigs were grunting, munching and rolling around in the mud. I think the noise of it all fascinated Tyler. Luke enjoyed the wildness of the monkeys and also the crazy show the leaping lemurs put on for us. We thought of Zaboomafoo! For dinner, we took Luke to Chuy’s, at his request and met up with Aunt Lisa, Uncle Joaquin, Max, Carly and Pa Pa. It was a fun-filled day and the perfect way to celebrate Luke’s 3rd Birthday.

Easter Sunday was so much fun! It was so good to be with family, in a casual setting and one that was not associated with sadness and loss. The boys loved hanging out with their cousin Vivian, hunting eggs and playing with their many aunts and uncles who they do not see on a regular basis. Aunt Ellen and Aunt Patricia could not get over how much the boys had grown! Luke made us all laugh with his dirty, yummy cupcake face and demands of more candy and cookies, as if he needed any more sugar! Tyler LOVED riding in the Polaris with his cousin Brice. By the end of the day, we were all exhausted. I love nights like this, when all it takes is five minutes to get the boys to bed. If only every night were this easy!

I truly cherish days like today -- spending time with those you love, laughing, being ridiculous and enjoying life. That’s what I am here for and what I intend on doing – to live, love and laugh.

*A special thanks to my cousin Jenni and Aunt Patricia for the photos of cupcake face Luke and Jenni holding Luke. I was laughing too hard to get Luke with his dirty, cupcake face. Those pictures were precious and captured the moment so well. Thank you. :)

Endless Possibilities

Leda and the swan, Getta Villa, Fall 2010

To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly. ~Henri Bergenson
My world is about to change, but in an incredibly awesome way! I start graduate school in a little over a week. My heart is bursting with excitement; I am ready to learn, grow and be the best I can be in my profession. When you are passionate about something, that passion rubs off on those around you. I have missed igniting the spark which inspires my students to learn more. I can't wait to get back into the classroom in a year or so and do just that. It’s been a long time since I have had that type of passion, which makes me feel that my decision was right on.

While I know it will be a struggle, since I have two active little boys under the age of 6, it will be a good one. A beautiful end product awaits – an enlightened mind and the job I have been waiting for my entire life. It will take a lot of juggling and time management, but those are things in which I excel. It will definitely make the time I spend with the boys even more precious. I am looking forward to all of the reading, research and writing my thesis. What a wonderful year ahead, full of endless possibilities and personal growth! Look out world, you better get used to the new and improved me.

As usual, the boys have made me laugh and cry the past couple of weeks, with the funny little things they say and do. For those of you who didn’t know, I lost my aunt Becky suddenly two weeks ago. It has been really hard to deal with death in such a sudden and tragic way. I can’t even begin to describe the feelings I have, other than to say I am still in a state of shock, disbelief and incredibly sad. The boys lifted me up with their sweet silliness. Here are just a few of the many reasons they bring such joy to my world.

1. Yesterday, I was having my daily chat with Amber online and laughing uproariously at something hilarious she said and Tyler says “Mommy, stop being so silly! I have to work!” This cracked both of us up; he has such a sense of humor.

2. We were at our favorite park a couple weeks ago. Luke was running around playing and then decided he needed to swing. Like his brother, he has a favorite swing. There was an older boy, probably around 8 years old, swinging and enjoying himself. My 2 ½ year old little man marched up in front of him and said (while pointing his finger at him), “This is my swing! You need to get off right now.” Both the little boy and I laughed. After a good laugh, I had to educate Luke on proper swing and park etiquette.

3. The other night, I was tucking Tyler into bed. He told me, “Mommy, I need the phone. I need to make a call.” I was a little surprised, so I asked who he wanted to call. “Mommy, I need to call Isabel.” This melted my heart and then I started to fast forward and think what it would be like to have two teenage boys in this generation. Scary thought, must think in the present and absorb myself in their cuteness.

4. Dancing our sillies out brings so much crazy fun to our house. Last night, the boys and I were dancing wildly to Akon’s “Smack that.” All I have to say is my little man knows how to “get down.” I love listening to all types of music and dancing, so I share this with the boys. Watching their wild energy escape made me smile and laugh so hard it hurt.

Change and challenge is good and forces you to reexamine yourself -- your needs, desires and goals. To me, these things make life more meaningful. I look forward to all of the positive changes coming my way -- to new beginnings, to recreating myself endlessly.

Editor's note: A special thanks to Kelli, Frank and Amber. They served as references for me and impressed upon Concordia University Portland my motivation, work ethic and passion for getting my Master’s degree. I am also grateful to my circle of dear friends and family who supported me in making this decision to return to school and broaden my mind. I am blessed to have each one of you in my life.

The Bunny Whisperer

Tyler and Luke went to our friend Natalie's birthday party yesterday which had a petting zoo. The boys loved all of the animals, but Tyler was particularly drawn to the bunnies and Luke loved the goats and chicks. In fact, the bunnies surrounded Tyler and he was drawn to a fluffy brown one, which he named "Brownie." I guess Tyler is a bunny whisperer. A special thanks to Brandi for taking these wonderful pictures and the Valdez family for a fun-filled day. I am so lucky to have such wonderful friends.

Loss and Unconditional Love

April is Autism Awareness month, so I decided to write a post about how it feels to be the parent of a child with special needs.

I waited a long time to become a mom. I had this grand plan in store, career first then children. When I finished student teaching and got my first job at LBJ, even then, having a child seemed so distant. I wanted to enjoy my job and be the best at it, going to trainings, learning more and more on ways to engage and inspire young minds. Tyler arrived in 2005. I waited so long for him and when I returned to work, I struggled. I had always loved my job, but missed Tyler so terribly. By the end of the year, I made the decision to resign my position and become a stay-at-home mom. Even with all of the struggles I have had, this was the best decision for me --it gave me quality time to spend with Tyler and later take him to all of his therapy appointments.

I cherished every moment of my time with Tyler. We had play-dates, went to story time at the library, went to the park and just enjoyed life. Things began to change when he was 2 ½ -- tantrums, crying, screaming and not enough words. I knew something was wrong. We went to Tyler’s pediatrician and I expressed my concerns with his language development and all of the tantrums he had been having. He was diagnosed with an expressive language delay and we were sent off to 2 specialists – an audiologist and a speech pathologist. As I thought, his hearing test came out within the normal range. But, the results of his speech testing were not so good. He was diagnosed with a severe expressive and receptive language delay and this is when my world began to shatter. I knew something bigger was looming. At the time, I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. At this time, I as five months pregnant with Luke and was consumed with guilt and extremely emotional. I should have been ecstatic to be having another baby, but all I could do was worry about Tyler and feel sad.

Tyler started speech therapy in December 2007. He progressed steadily with his language, although still behind that of his peers. We were still having behavioral problems as well. I started reading every single book I could get my hands on about language delays and came across books on autism, all of which I read. Tyler’s speech therapist told me about the school program, PPCD (Preschool Program for Children with Disabilities) and I set up his testing date. I remember his first testing all too well, I left in tears. The diagnostician and speech therapist tested him for 15 minutes and then told me he needed further evaluation. I was floored that they spent such a short amount of time with him, yet knew something was terribly wrong. In June, the district evaluated him and then in July, an Occupation Therapist and Pediatric Neurologist. The results all came in within a few days of each other – Autism with Asperger’s like characteristics (AISD), Autism (neurologist) or sensory processing disorder (OT). It was at that moment that my entire world changed, that I became an advocate, not only for my son but for children with special needs.

Being the parent of a child with special needs is incredibly challenging, yet I would not trade it for the world. I would not even know what to do without Tyler! He has taught me so much about patience, acceptance, understanding and unconditional love.

As a parent of a child with autism, I am constantly aware of the surroundings and hyper vigilant. Will this place be too much for Tyler? Will he become over-stimulated, will he tantrum, become anxious? What will set him off? You always walk on egg shells, never knowing how things will go. Will you ever have a carefree, easy day? Those are not in the cards, my friend. You also feel incredibly helpless, like you can’t ever do anything to fix it, since autism is incurable. Your mind racks with worry at the future, will your child be able to function independently in society? Will he be teased, harassed because he is different? You become fierce and strong, able to conquer or do anything you set your mind to. You also try to blow off the stares, the rude comments, which sometime set you off and make you enlighten an idiotic bystander. Sometimes I REALLY enjoy doing this and seeing the look on their faces when I get krunk with them, but in a nice way. And then there is the guilt. Am I doing enough to help my child? Will he ever get better? Did I do something to cause this? It is incredibly hard! Yet this is my life, the life of a parent who is lucky enough to call the sweetest, most intelligent little boy who happens to have autism her own. Some may say I’m unlucky, but I would have to disagree. I feel blessed beyond belief.