Favorite Snapshots and Moments of Christmas

We had such a wonderful Christmas this year. We carried on with old traditions and began new ones. The boys loved the Zilker Christmas tree, so that was our new one. We used to go to the Trail of Lights with Tyler, but now it is dead and gone. As usual, we baked and decorated cookies for Santa. This year, we made so much fudge and cookies, we had enough to share with all of the special people in our lives -- these are the people who lift me up and make my heart smile. I think that is one of my favorite things about Christmas, baking cookies and sharing the love.

The boys have become professional gift unwrappers, especially Luke. He got busted on several occasions before the big day, opening presents that were not his to open. I especially enjoyed the delight in their eyes as they opened up gifts and the sheer excitement of seeing what it was. My favorite moment had to be when Luke unwrapped a present from his cousins and said, “Wow! It’s a box. I got a box!” It was so cute, and he was REALLY excited. If only I could bottle all of that sweetness up, I would save it for later, when the boys are teenagers. All in all, a joyous holiday – time with family, dear friends and eyes full of wonder, the best things in life.

I am looking forward to the New Year. I am hopeful 2011 will be a year of wonderful change for me. The biggest of which will be my return to work, the world of hormonoids. I know it will be a challenge, but I am ready. I have missed teaching so much, especially touching the lives of so many on a daily basis. One of my biggest strengths I have in the classroom is the rapport I have with my students and the fact that I can relate to their world. I will also have a totally different perspective, since my world has changed tremendously since 2006. I now have two little boys, one with special needs. I think this will make me an even better teacher and more relatable to the parents whose shoes I walk in. I have so much compassion and empathy and I think this will be very empowering for my students and their parents. Watch out world and get ready, because here I come.

Wishing all of you a blessed and beautiful New Year!

Cute and Funny Little Grumbleisms 2

The boys are so funny and make me laugh all the time with the cute little things they say and do. Here are some of the more recent ones.

1. Tyler jumps in bed to snuggle with Luke and I and Luke tells Tyler, “Get out of MY bed Tyler!” My little man does not like to share mommy with anyone.

2. Geoff asks Tyler if he wants to go watch a football playoff game. And Tyler says, “Sure Daddy. After you clean your room.” Tyler is Mr. OCD and is always wanting to vacuum and clean house.

3. We are all about gender in the house lately. Tyler will recite everyone in our family and tell us their gender. Tyler says, “Daddy is a girl-boy!” I laughed hysterically and Geoff jokingly says, “I have a confession to make, I’m transgender.”

4. Luke beat us downstairs the other day and we caught him getting a snack out of the fridge. He had already chowed down most of it by the time we got downstairs, but was still chewing a little. This made me nervous, since I had no idea what he had gotten into. We asked Luke what he was eating and this was his reply, “I eat the muffin man.” Fortunately it was a pumpkin muffin and not a real or imaginary person.

5. Geoff was putting on his shoes and noticed that his laces were completely undone. Luke is really mischievous and is always getting into things, just like when mommy was little. Geoff says, “Luke, please leave daddy’s shoes alone.” Tyler replies, “Oh no Lukie! I am going to write a note and put it in your folder.” This is what happens at school when Tyler misbehaves – we laughed really hard.

6. A few weeks back, I got a new bedroom furniture set delivered. They boys and I waited downstairs while the delivery men were setting things up. I was multi-tasking, working on a digital scrapbook and chatting online with my dear friend Amber. The men came downstairs and I looked up. Luke had gotten into my purse and had 2 maxi pads adhered to his face. I was mortified! No wonder the delivery men had horrified looks on their faces. I should have taken a picture so I could embarrass Luke when he’s a teenager.

7. I flew out to California to visit my cousin Johanna for Veteran’s Day weekend. The boys went to the airport with Geoff to pick me up and they missed the turnoff for the baggage claim area. Luke got upset and said, “Daddy, go get mommy, PLEASE!!!” So cute, I guess he missed me and needed some mommy love.

8. Tyler is over at Grammy and Pa’s house and looks down at the floors. “Grammy, your floors are very dirty. I think you need to vacuum.” So I explain to Tyler that it is not nice to go to other people’s houses and tell them to clean. Later, when we got home, he lifted up the rug in our kitchen and told me, “Mommy, I see lots dirt, I think I need to vacuum.” If only I were that motivated.

9. Tyler had a dentist appointment recently, so I braved it and took both boys with me. They actually did very well. Tyler was so proud and kept smiling, showing me his clean teeth. On the way back to school, we stopped to get some lunch and the boys ate in the cafeteria with Tyler’s class when we got back to school. Luke lined up with Tyler’s preschool class and walked back to the classroom to say goodbye to Tyler. Luke was not a happy camper, he wanted to go back to Tyler’s class and see his friend, the hamster. Out in the hallway, he began to tantrum and I saw one of the teacher assistants. I told Luke "bye" and to "have fun with Ms. Carol." Luke followed me all the way back to the front of the school. I love how reverse psychology works with my little man.

There is never a dull moment in our house, the little Grumbles men make sure of it.

The Train Wreck of Rage

I am really sad to share this blog post, but this is the fugly side of autism. People need to know the good, the bad and the ugly to have a sense of understanding and compassion.

It started when Geoff and I got back from our Oregon trip, the meltdowns, the anger and rage and I just want it to go away! Tyler has always been a happy little boy. Lately, I have noticed that changes in his routine throw him into such a tizzy he can’t seem to cope and will have a wild, raging meltdown. Even anxiety medication doesn’t seem to help. And of course, my guilt consumes me for once being a little selfish and getting away.

Meltdowns are mostly saved up for me, since I am the lucky one and in the presence of our home, but recently he had one at a friend’s house and I was so embarrassed. Thankfully I have two amazing friends in Ryan and Vanessa – they are so understanding and would move mountains to help me. I know that Tyler can’t control it, he gets overstimulated or overly anxious, he can't properly express himself and then just shuts down all sense of rationality and reason. He used to just scream, cry and hit things or me, but now he has started to take things out on Luke and I will not tolerate that. I feel so helpless!

Yesterday, he got a hold of my keys. I had plans for the evening and he lost my keys which really frustrated and annoyed me.

Me: “Tyler, where are my keys?”

Tyler: “I hid them!”
I found that to be odd, since Tyler has the most amazing memory of anyone I know, he always seems to remember and find things.

Me: “Go and find them NOW, mommy needs to drive the car.”

Tyler: “I don’t know where the keys are!”

Me: “Please go and find mommy’s keys now!”

This is when the screaming rage of an hour long train wreck tantrum started and ruined my otherwise lovely day. There is no way to calm my child when he gets that worked up. It starts as crying, then loud screaming, then hitting or throwing anything in sight. Luke just happened to be nearby, was trying to comfort Tyler and he was kicked and beaten. My heart broke in a million pieces. First and foremost as a parent, you must provide a safe, happy and loving home for your children. I felt like a failure! So while I comforted Luke, Tyler’s rage continued in cool down. Wild and animal-like, he destroyed our hall tree. I can’t even remember how I calmed him, everything seems like a blur. And in his wild rage, I cried and couldn’t stop; the tears flowed down my face like a flooded river. There is only so much stress, grief and sadness that one person can bear. Eventually, it ended and he told us he was sorry. He also gave me a big kiss and snuggled with me. I then began to wonder what the future would hold, especially when he is a teenager and much bigger than me. But I just need to think positively and hope and pray that things will get better, they sure as hell can’t get any worse. Seriously, I am about to have a jihad against keys. We are done with them! No more keys for our boy until this obsession is dead and gone!

Today, another meltdown and an even wilder response from Tyler – our house looked like it had been burglarized. Things were in disarray, not only our house, but our life. We called his neurologist and I am hopeful that an increase in his medicine dosage will help him.

Still, I am incredibly sad. I want my sweet little boy back, but most of all I want him to be happy, because if he is happy, then I am too. I have learned a lot from this craziness, and think next time, if there is another Mt. St. Helens like eruption, I will try music. Tyler LOVES Michael Jackson and Usher. Right now his favorite songs are “Billie Jean” and “DJ’s got us falling in love again.” I-pod, here we come.

Another reason I wanted to share this ugly side of autism is in hope that everyone will have more compassion for parents they see in public places who have children tantruming. More than likely, that child is not a brat, but has some sort of ASD. Instead of making judgments about the parenting skills of that person, have empathy and love. I think one of the most amazing things that Tyler’s autism has taught me is to have even more sensitivity and empathy toward others, especially those with differences. Even with all of the hardships, I think I am a better person. It has also made me strong and fierce -- I feel like I can conquer the world and do anything I set my mind to and that is a good thing.

On a more positive note, Tyler pooped on the potty today. It was all on his own accord, he just decided he needed to go. I was in shock and awe! Big rewards and happy Tyler = happy me.