Fun and Challenging Times

I am so ready for some normalcy! The Christmas break was wrought with sickness, havoc and major meltdowns with the boys and toward the end, I needed a “vacation” from my vacation.

Yes, I know I am blessed – I have two sweet, loving and intelligent little boys who make my heart smile and leap for joy. But that does not mean that life is all roses ALL the time, it is not and never will be. We have moments of bliss which I want to bottle up, so I can pull them out when we have our train wrecks, meltdowns and oppositional defiant behaviors.

When you have a child with autism, even the easiest things can go to hell in a hurry. Take for example my attempt at doing something fun with the boys when Luke was over his croup and ear infection. I decided to take the boys to the Jumpy Gym, it was cold outside and they needed to bounce some energy out. For the most part, things were good, but that lasted a short while. Tyler became Mr. Adventurous and was doing somersaults down the huge slide. This was cause for concern, not only could he hurt himself, but another child as well, so I put my foot down. He stopped for a while, but then did it again and ended up head butting and hurting a little boy. So our fun was dead and gone.

I warned Tyler in advance, so I told him it was time to go, he resisted, but I was able to round-up both boys. All seemed good, then, not so good. Tyler broke away from my tight grip and ran away. At this point, my patience was almost non-existent, so I called upon Gandhi to send me some. I took Luke to the bench and told him to wait for me while I got Tyler. I ran back into the room, crawled up on the jumpy thing and carried Tyler out. He then began kicking the hell out of me. As I sat him down on the bench to put his shoes on, he continued to kick me. I fought back tears and stayed calm, even though I was about to EXPLODE.

That was when I noticed the man next to me, watching in horror. I get sick and fucking tired of being judged all the time by ignorant people, so I told him, “My kid has autism, what’s your problem! This is what I deal with EVERYDAY!” To which he replies, “Oh, sorry! We have a friend with one of those.” I wanted to blow fire in this man’s face, open a can of whoop ass; you name it, I thought it. That comment made my blood boil! People can be so insensitive. I fought back the desire to enlighten this man like he has never been before, but he was not worth my precious time. So we loaded up in the car and I just drove and drove and drove. I called my dear friend Maria, who calmed me as I cried and told her what went down. I felt so bad for Luke, this is his world too. Even when he is doing what he should, we still have to leave when he is having fun. He was a little trooper and sat there on that bench, waiting for us, shoes on and all. My little hero!

Moments of pure bliss are when Tyler and Luke crawl into bed with me, snuggle with and kiss me, telling me “I love you mommy!” Moments like this make ALL the meltdowns and craziness worth it. Other moments are when we are at the park, and the boys are chasing each other around, playing appropriately with enormous smiles on their faces. Other times are when they talk about going to “toot’s house” and farting, making me laugh uncontrollably. I LOVE little boy potty humor! These are times when I forget about my trials and that I have a little boy with autism. I just relax, chill and breathe it all in – not the gas though. These are the moments I waited for my entire life and I know there are many more to come.

*A special thank you to all of my friends (you know who you are) who bring me normalcy in my crazy times. You make me laugh and lift me up, when all I want to do is cry. You are my rocks! Thank you for continuing to be there for me, I love each and every one of you. Thank you for loving and caring about me. As an old Native American proverb says, “My heart laughs with joy because I am in your presence.” That sums up exactly how I feel about each of you.