Back 2 School

Wow, the much anticipated school year has begun and so far, the boys are adjusting very well. Tyler has been asking to go to school almost all summer long. Every time we passed by Luke's school this summer, he had a fit when I didn't drop him off.

Yesterday was Tyler's first full day and it went beautifully, even though it was a long one for him -- he had occupational therapy after school. I think Mondays are the perfect days for therapy because he is just starting out and he is not yet tired, moody or exhausted. In other words, he will be cooperative, which is a good thing.

This morning, Tyler woke up SUPER happy and was singing the Good Morning song to Geoff and I that they sing at circle every morning. Then he told me how he loves to play with his new friends. This melted my heart -- making friends is very difficult for Tyler.

Luke cried a little at drop-off today. He loved his class and teachers so much last year -- passing by Mrs. Sam this morning was tough for him. I know he will love his new class and teachers this year, but new transitions can be hard at times. Thank goodness he had already settled down by the time I put away all of his things. And he will have some familiar faces too, four of his classmates from last year are among his fellow Ducks.

I am REALLY looking forward to this new school year, the changes and maturity I will see in the boys and all of the new things they will learn. I am so blessed that the boys, once again, have some amazing teachers. Good things will come, I can just feel it.

Padre Island 2010

We had a wonderful trip to Padre Island this weekend. The boys had a blast splashing in the ocean and digging in the sand. I am so glad we took the time to have a family trip before the busy school year starts. This is definitely going to be the first of many trips to the beach with the boys.

It was Luke's first time to see the ocean and he loved it! He made friends very quickly with a young couple who loved their Dos Equis and enjoyed partying with them. The last time Tyler went to the beach, he was one year old. For over a month, he had been talking about going to the beach. As we drove down I-37, he kept squealing "I'm going to the beach!" As soon as we got to our hotel, we could not get the boys swimsuits on fast enough. They were ready! Bring on the surf and sand.

There is something so relaxing about going to the beach, watching and hearing the waves crash on shore. The smell of the sea, the mist, the seagulls, the shells. We were in heaven, if only for just two days.

“Stupid” Elevator

We had a wonderful trip to Padre Island. Our time at the beach was definitely the highlight of our trip. Our last day, we went to the Texas State Aquarium in Corpus Christi. It seemed like something fun to do as a family and something the boys would really enjoy, so off we went. The first hour went pretty well, we explored the aquarium and enjoyed seeing the various fish and sea creatures. Tyler was intrigued with the jellyfish and Luke just loved the fish in general, but had a particular interest in the stingrays. Then Tyler became obsessed with the elevator and wanted to do nothing, other than ride the elevator up and down and stim on it. It became increasingly frustrating! I gave in and let him ride it a couple of times – this normally gets it out of his system and allows him to move on. However, I forgot that we had gotten up early, gone to the beach and pool, so we already had a busy morning. He was tired, over stimulated and just plain uncooperative.

While Tyler was frustrating me, Geoff was exploring the aquarium with Luke and had made it over to the dolphins. I finally called Geoff on his cell phone and told him we needed to leave, that Tyler was obsessing over the “stupid elevator.” After I got off the phone, Tyler kept telling me, “I WANT TO RIDE THE STUPID ELEVATOR!” over and over and over again. At this point I just wanted to shoot myself – I had HAD it! So we left, missed the dolphin show and that was our aquarium experience in a nutshell.

I guess I am mad at myself. Again, I should have known this would be too much for Tyler and even Luke to handle. But Tyler is so high functioning and rarely has meltdowns anymore in public places unless he is exhausted, which he was. Because of this, sometimes I even forget that he even has autism. I just want him to be able to have fun experiences like all other children, but then I forget he is not like all other children. He is a high functioning autistic and the aquarium visit definitely brought me back to reality.

Even though our trip to the aquarium was not the greatest, I will NOT stop trying to give Tyler fun experiences. I do not want him to lead a sheltered life. I need to remember the look on his face when he saw the ocean again and the excitement he had for staying in the hotel. I also need to be thankful for these things:

1. Tyler did not get car sick on the trip to the beach which was a 3 ½ hour drive. No vomiting = awesome! Tyler gets so carsick that we have limited our travel times and make sure he is not in the car over 4 hours without a little breather. We could drug him up so we can travel more, but choose not to. As he gets older, he seems to get less carsick. This in itself is a godsend.

2. He did not freak out at spending the night in a hotel, a totally foreign place to him. We had never been there before and autistics tend to have issues with transitions and new environments. This was remarkable!

3. He pooped on the potty in our bathroom at the hotel. This was miraculous in itself! Now, maybe he will want to try this at home, one can hope.

4. He loves his brother and had the best time splashing in the ocean and digging in the sand with him. He even held Luke's hand to keep him from falling down when the waves crashed on him, throwing his balance off. Now that is sweet, brotherly love.

I will take delight in these wonderful things, for they overshadow our negative experience at the aquarium. I will always remember our trip, but choose to focus on our happier moments spent at the beach or the squealing excitement and glee of the boys checking out our room and jumping on the bed. Happy, happy times.

A Beautiful Day

It has been crazy hot for the past week here in Austin, so the boys and I headed to Aunt Karen’s on Saturday for some splashing good times. They had so much fun running around the splash park and swimming in the pools.

Luke enjoyed drinking from the fire hydrant, practicing swimming and floating on his back in the big pool. He also left a present, dropping a deuce at the splash park, which Carson found and we had to clean up. What a mighty fine mess, YUCK!

Tyler enjoyed swimming, floating in the baby pool and lying underneath the bucket at the splash park to be soaked with water. It was such a wonderful way to beat this 100+ degree heat. We are definitely ready to hit the beach now! I can't wait to see the reaction on Luke's face when he sees the ocean for the first time this weekend.

Little Miracles

I have been waiting for some magical thing to happen with Tyler. I assumed it would be his potty training, that he would finally get pooping in the potty mastered and not be threatened or terrified by the porcelain goddess. Sometimes miracles occur in places you least expect. Tyler transitioning into going to bed by himself is a case in point. I was hoping this new transition would bring about a sense of independence in Tyler and I am so glad I trusted my instincts.

It has been over a week since Tyler and Luke moved into the "Big Boy Room." The first couple of nights were hard on Luke, but he's a little pro now. Tyler was over the moon happy and excited from the start. I enjoyed the little happy sounds of the boys talking and giggling themselves to sleep last week. Then last night I heard a major ruckus and went upstairs to check on them. Tyler was in Luke's baby bed and they were tackling each other. Little boys are so funny and so physical! I had to break it up and send Tyler back to his bed. He was not happy with me, but he got in his bed, cried a little and then slowly but surely went to sleep.

Tyler and Luke are so good together, and they are really learning a lot about themselves sharing a room. I know when they get older, it may not be as fun and we may have to separate them, but right now, I am enjoying this. Luke is learning about sharing and an added bonus is that it has helped boost Tyler's language development. I especially loved it when I heard him say the other night, "Lukie, BE QUIET! I'm trying to go to sleep." This made me laugh uncontrollably! Then I thought about it in the grand scheme of things and realized how wonderful it was to hear Tyler say this -- he is becoming more assertive! This is something I have been working with him on for quite a while. Assertiveness will help him in school and in life when he deals with bullies -- he will be able to tell them, "No, I don't like that. Don't hit me!"

Even though sometimes I feel like the odd person out in this house full of testosterone, I love every moment of it, especially when I have little miracles to be thankful for.

My Autism Journey

Recently I have been reflective on my journey into the world of autism. I have an intense desire to help others like myself, who have children with special needs. When I see a parent in the waiting room at the therapy office whose child has yet to be diagnosed, I can see the pain, stress, sadness, the unknown in their eyes. I just want to reach out and let them know it will be okay. I see all of the signs in their child that I did not notice as unusual in my own – the flapping (Tyler’s happy dance), the toe walking and stimming. My heart breaks in a million pieces for them and it reminds me of all of the sadness I once had. I have such empathy. I have been there and know how devastating it is – the diagnosis of autism which changes your life forever.

What I would like to share with these parents after they have a diagnosis, what I wish someone would have shared with me:

1. It’s just a label! Do not let it be the thing that defines your child – he is so much more. When my friend Chris and I talk about how our lives have changed, she always reminds me, “I asked for a happy and healthy child, and that’s what I have.” She is so right! Your child is different, but not less.

2. Be strong. Your child needs you. Even when you want to drown in your own sorrow, you need to find a way to pick yourself up. See #3. When you do get down, or have a setback, focus on all of the things that your child CAN do.

3. It’s okay to be sad, this is NORMAL! When you come to the realization that your child has a disability, it is heartbreaking. Be sad, cry, and be angry! You need to go through the grief cycle to come to acceptance. But remember, it is a cycle and even when you get to acceptance, you may take a step or two back at times when your child regresses. The cycle is part of the journey, part of your life now. Embrace it and understand it. However, if the despair and sadness swallows you, seek help via a therapist. It is so important to have someone to talk to, someone you can share your grief with. Thank you Janet for helping me realize there is light at the end of the darkest tunnel.

4. Find a support group or make your own – for me this has been one of the best things I have ever done. I met some wonderful ladies during the diagnosis process and at Tyler’s school who were in different places in their journey. These ladies became my rock of support. Had it not been for Jenny, Chris, Brandi or Misty and our ladies nights at Chuy’s, I would have felt entirely alone.

5. Read everything out there. Become on expert on autism. Learn about the various therapies that can help your child. You are your child’s #1 advocate. You need to know what to do to help your child, in and out of school.

6. Make time for yourself. The stress of caring for someone with a disability can be unbearable at times. You need an outlet, something to unwind and de-stress. Mine are creative ones and they bring me so much joy – scrapbooking and jewelry making.

7. Make time for your spouse. Having a child with special needs is VERY hard on a marriage, especially when you may be at different places on the grief cycle. Find someone you trust to take care of your child and make time for a date.

8. Educate the family and all of the important people in your life. Get your family and friends on board so they can help you. This will empower you and your child and bring about a sense of understanding – why is it that your child does certain things, how to help avoid a meltdown, etc. Also, this will help educate others on autism and bring about awareness - family and friends will talk to others and share their attained knowledge.

9. NEVER give up hope. What works for one child may not work for yours. Be patient and keep trying. Potty training Tyler has been a torturous process. Many times I have wanted to throw in the towel, and then he surprises me. We are almost there (I think). We just need to get him interested in and comfortable pooping on the potty.

10. Normalcy is BORING. Embrace all of the quirks your child has and try to understand all of the fascinations – what is it about ceiling fans, doors and garages that is so enticing. This will help you better understand your child. I remember before Tyler was diagnosed, Geoff and I were lying in bed staring at the ceiling fan, mesmerized. It was soothing and beautiful, so I declared that we both must be autistic. Seriously, it helped us learn why it was so fascinating to our son.

These are just some insights that I wish a wise sage would have told me as I embarked on this journey. I hope they will help others find comfort as the deal with the newness of the diagnosis and what it all means. Tyler inspires me every day, to be a better person, to be the best I can be as a mother and educator. My life has changed tremendously in the two years since he was diagnosed, but there is one thing for sure, I would not change him for the world.

912 Days!

It’s been 2 ½ years (912 days!!!) since Tyler has gone to bed in his own room, instead of falling asleep in our bed and being moved to his after asleep. Over the weekend, I decided to move Tyler into Luke’s room and convert it into a “big boy bedroom," thinking it might help with Tyler’s sleep issues. I thought that bunking with his brother would make him look forward to bedtime and make him want to sleep in his own bed. Geoff was worried and wanted to put this off until a much later date, the 12th of never. On the other hand, I wanted to transition the boys into this new territory before school started. I headed to Target to find Tyler a matching trucks and cars quilt for his bed and went a little wild – quilt set, check; new sheets, check; wall art, check; car pillows, check; new valances, check; new rug, check. I wanted this new transition to be a good one, so I decided to get out the big guns.

Sunday, while the boys were at HEB wreaking havoc and causing much stress for Daddy, I moved the furniture around and got the rooms ready. We decided to convert Tyler’s room into a playroom for the boys since it is the larger one. As soon as the boys got home, Tyler ran upstairs. I had been preparing him for the move for about a week. He was so excited! He could not wait to get in his “new bed” and go night-night. I looked forward to bedtime, unsure of what would happen – if Tyler would want to sleep with his brother, or in our room. After bath time, Tyler ran into the “new room” and laid down on his bed, “I love my new bed!” I got him ready for bed, read his stories while Geoff was getting Luke ready. Geoff laid Luke down in his crib and he immediately started crying, “Mama hold you!” We told the boys we loved them, goodnight and left the room. Luke was still crying, then Tyler couldn’t take it anymore and started crying and I laughed! It was so funny, my little odd couple. After a while, Tyler ran into our bedroom and told me he wanted to go night-night with me, so I took him back to his room and lay down with him. Meanwhile, Geoff rocked Luke and put him in his crib. I snuck away a little later, when Luke was sound asleep and I told Tyler to sleep tight and not wake up his brother. I left the room and no one followed me! It was awesome! I went downstairs, turned on True Blood and had some much needed “me time.” Geoff was outside taking the trash out. He was astonished! Again, we have not had the luxury of having Tyler go to sleep in his bed for some time. We can definitely get used to this!

The next morning, Tyler woke up about 6:50 am and went to the bathroom. I got out of bed and asked if he wanted to snuggle and he tells me, “No Mommy, I need to go back and lie down in my bed.” Wow, my little boy is growing up! I would say that it makes me sad, but this is such an AMAZING breakthrough! I am so proud of him, now if I could just get Luke on board – he hates to share.