Thankful

With as hard as it has been to “join the club,” and come to the realization that Tyler has autism, I still feel so blessed. I have two incredibly amazing little boys who wow and inspire me every day. They both love school and their teachers. They are both making so much progress this year in their respective classes, Tyler in his Pre-K inclusion class and Luke in his Ducks class at Hays Hills Baptist CLC. Most importantly, they are happy and healthy little boys who exude love.

We are getting a different experience with Luke since Tyler was a late talker due to his autism. Luke talks non-stop all day long. His little voice is so precious and sweet and higher than Tyler’s “Barry White” voice. Most autistics have deeper or monotone sounding voices. On the way home from school today, Luke was telling me all about his school day without any prompting.

“I saw teachers today.”

“I play outside.”

“I play with Kennedy.”

“I take nap.”

I was so excited to hear all of this! When you have an older child on the spectrum, one of the greatest fears you have is that your younger one might have autism too. Not that there would be anything wrong with that, it would just make life a little harder. Making sure that all of your children got the services they need would be the number one priority. So far, so good with Luke, although he still has noise sensitivities. I have read this is common of siblings, to have one or more of the characteristics of autism. Some people say it is environmental, that vaccines cause autism, but I feel that the number one cause is genetic. We have autism on both sides of our family; we did not know this until after Tyler was diagnosed. I do feel that there is some sort of environmental trigger that plays a part; maybe one day we will find out.

There can be a lot of shame when you have a child with special needs, like there is something you did which caused it. Many people have a hard time talking about it, because they feel people will not understand, which is true. The only people who TRULY understand my situation are those who have been through it themselves. No one can understand the sadness and the loss that comes from hearing the diagnosis, unless it is another parent who has heard the same thing. I remember feeling like I had done something to cause Tyler’s autism and was so relieved to hear his neurologist tell me, with a sad, yet compassionate look in his eyes "there was nothing you did to cause this." It took a load off my shoulders. I remember not wanting to talk about Tyler having special needs of any kind to anyone pre-diagnosis; I didn’t want people to treat him differently. I wanted them to see what I saw, a beautiful and intelligent little boy who just needed to have a voice. I am happy to say that he has a voice now, and he is heard. And now, I am loud and proud. I will talk to just about anyone about autism, whether they want to hear about it or not. I have an intense need to share my experience with others, to bring about more understanding and compassion for children and people with differences.

While we still struggle to have conversations with Tyler, his language continues to blossom. I can ask him about his school day, and he can tell me what he did. Last year, I couldn’t get him to tell me what he had done at school. Today, this was the report:

“I rode the bus today.”

“I see Ms. Melissa today.”

“I played with my friends in pretend center.”

“I got to wear Ms. Melissa’s badge.”

The fact that Tyler is talking about playing with friends is amazing! He has struggled with initiating appropriate play with friends for years now. He loves his friends at school and really enjoys telling me about Jaden, Jayce, Gino, Chloe and Triniti.

I could not ask for a better learning environment for the boys or better teachers. Luke can count to 20 and knows all of his ABC’s. He enjoys singing songs, especially the ABC’s and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Tyler has known all of his letters since he was 18 months old, even though he couldn’t tell me, I knew. He had this leapfrog phonics bus and he would quiz himself, matching sounds to letters. He can count to 40 or 50 now. He also LOVES to sing and has recently developed an interest in singing to what is on the radio, which makes me smile.

I guess I am writing today, because I am so grateful! I have a heart full of love and pride and my boys to thank for that. I am in a better place now, I am in acceptance. There is nothing that I cannot conquer! The world better watch out, because here I come.

It's A Poop Thing!

A couple of weeks ago, I got together with the girls to celebrate Brandi’s birthday. We were all talking about the usual, what we have been up to and how things were going for our kids at school. They asked me how potty training was going with Tyler and if he had made any more progress with pooping on the potty. My reply was, “not really, but I’m hopeful.” Brandi told me about a favorite book of her children that they used to read, Everyone Poops, so I asked to borrow it. Low and behold, it has become a favorite of the boys. It’s quite hilarious -- the pictures, text and everything about it.

The next day, I read Everyone Poops to Tyler and he LOVED it! He reads it every day and talks about going poop on the potty and how all animals and people go poop on the potty. So whenever I change him, I always ask him “where does poop go Tyler?” “Poop goes in the potty Mommy!” The following day, we were getting the boys ready for bed. I decided to let Tyler run around naked for a while, hoping that if he had the urge to poop, he would run and sit on the potty. Then he tells me, “I need you to wipe my bottom.” So I take him to the bathroom and ask him if he wants to sit on the potty, which he does. As he is sitting on the potty, I have an epiphany, read Everyone Poops. So as he sits there, that’s exactly what I do. When I am finished, I close the door and give him his privacy. Then I hear, “I did it!” As I peered into the bathroom, I noticed a very excited Tyler, so I check the potty and there it is and ready to be flushed -- a brand new poop. We celebrated, did a happy dance, congratulated Tyler and rewarded him with a new Hot Wheels car. I think the more success Tyler has, the more he will feel confident and want to go on the potty, at home, at school, everywhere. I am REALLY looking forward to that day!

As we encourage Tyler toward achieving the goal of being fully potty-trained, I notice it’s all about poop and potty humor with the boys lately. Last Friday, we were at the visitation for Geoff’s uncle Tookie who had just passed away, and Tyler is talking about “tooting.” I was mortified! Looking back, it was funny, but still embarrassing nonetheless. There are just some things you don't say at a funeral home! I am hoping this poop and tooting obsession will lead us somewhere, preferably out of pull-ups.

Tonight, while getting the boys ready for bedtime, Luke fussed at Daddy because he wanted to rock and hear the bedtime stories from me. He cried the whole time while Geoff was reading to him. Luke came back into the room and says “I wanna rock with mommy,” so off we go back to the playroom to the glider rocker. As we leave Luke and Tyler’s room, Luke says. “Goodnight poopy Daddy, Goodnight poopy Tyler!” I laughed so hard at my comical little man. It’s a poop thing, you just wouldn’t understand!

A Red Bull or Two Will Do

People usually say that the twos are terrible, but I say they’re a WILD and CRAZY party at all times, at least that’s how it is with Luke. I never know what is going to happen, what will be destroyed or how much fun we will have in the process. He is my little mischief maker and some would say, my pay back from when I was younger. When Luke was a baby, he would scream from early afternoon until bedtime and then wake up around 2 am, super happy. Geoff and I had a joke going, he needed a onesie that said, “Party in my crib, 2 am.”

Last week, we had a stomach virus going in our house. I got it first, then the boys and Geoff. On Monday, Tyler was sent home from school because he had vomited. As soon as he got home, I put Luke down for a nap. Then I got the puke bucket ready and Tyler in bed and down for a nap. He vomited several times, but was feeling better after his nap. To boost his mood, I put in a Curious George DVD in our bedroom. Both boys love George and I thought it would be wonderful downtime for them after nap. At the time, I was partaking in my daily afternoon ritual of online chatting with my friend Amber. All of a sudden, I heard “let’s give the puppy a bath.” This was not music to my ears, for we do not have a puppy and the only water in my bedroom was in the vomit bucket. I run in there, bracing for the worst. There are my two handsome boys, with Puppy Grumbles (Tyler’s stuffed animal he sleeps with at school) and Luke’s softy, both are drenched -- they have been baptized in the vomit bucket. I nearly hurl, but instead I take the yucky things away and message Amber. She is mortified and that was the end of our daily chat. The boys and I were about to go downstairs and as I bend down to pick up Luke, I notice his shorts are soaking wet. He jumped in the bucket! I am horrified, but not surprised, so I change him. It's times like these when you don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Lately, Luke has been a spitfire and a bouncy ball full of energy. I wish I had as much energy as Luke; I think if I did, I could take out Al-Qaeda, solve the Arab-Israeli conflict and bring about world peace. But seriously, just keeping up with him I feel like I need a Red Bull or two. He has been in rebellion mode and refuses to take a nap. Naptime is one of my favorite times of the day because it is when I get some much needed down time.

Yesterday, Luke was exhausted from school, so I decided to put him in his crib and continue his nap. I went downstairs and baked a cake; as the mixer was going, I could hear him yelling, “mommy, where are you?” I refused to give in, finished the cake and got Tyler from the bus. When we got inside, I told Tyler to go upstairs and wake-up his brother, something he really enjoys doing. Tyler goes upstairs and opens the door and then leaves because he is looking for his “black thing” which goes on his lanyard. I stop what I am doing and help him, meanwhile, Luke is waiting, but not patiently. When I got back into the room he had chunked his aquarium and thrown one of his pictures on the floor. I pick it up and there are shards of glass everywhere! I take him out, clean up the shards and change his bedding. Completely absorbed in clean-up duty, I forgot to check Luke to make sure he wasn’t cut. A few minutes later, I notice he had cut his finger and is bleeding, so I doctor it. The little man is tough! He stood there, extremely still and didn’t flinch as I cleaned up his cut and put a Buzz Light Year band-aid on his finger. At that moment, I was feeling lucky and thankful that we did not end up in the emergency room. I have a feeling that we may have a field-trip there one day.

These are just a few of many stories I have of my wild, little man. There is certainly never a dull moment in our house, Luke makes sure of it!

We Walk for Tyler, Our Hero

Dear Friends and Family,

As many of you know, Tyler was diagnosed with having a mild form of autism in July 2008. Geoff and I waited so long for Tyler and hearing this diagnosis was extremely devastating. We have had to overcome a lot of fears, which are sometimes revisited when we have a regression or setbacks. I often look back on that period in our life and wonder how we survived and with a newborn. Since then, Geoff and I have made it our life-long mission to get Tyler the help he needs to be successful in life. He is currently receiving speech and occupational therapy each week and is enrolled in an inclusion preschool program at a local elementary school. He continues to amaze us with his progress. We have also tried diet changes and horse therapy to help Tyler. He is doing very well with all of his therapies and school, but still has a long way to go.

Geoff, the boys and I will be walking in the Greater Austin Walk Now for Autism on October 9 in honor of Tyler and to raise awareness and funds for autism research for Autism Speaks. One in 110 children is diagnosed with autism - one in 70 of those children are boys. This cause is so near and dear to our hearts and we feel the need to spread awareness and raise funds to help with research. The exact cause of autism is still unknown, so continued research is critical in finding a cause and cure.

We walk for Tyler -- he is our hero. He makes our world such a better place and has such a bright and shining personality. Everyone who meets him falls in love with him, he is just so charming! Tyler has overcome so many obstacles in his short life, yet is still the happiest little boy -- he always has a smile on his face. He loves to laugh, spend time with his family, play with his cars and tackle his brother. He tries to socialize with others, but sometimes in inappropriate ways. So this is one thing that we will continue to work with him in his therapies. Even with our struggles, we are incredibly blessed.

We would love for you to join our team and help us support this cause and support Tyler. The walk will be held at the Dell Diamond on Saturday, October 9, 2010 at 8:30 am. You can register and donate online at http://www.walknowforautismspeaks.org/austin/tgrumbles. Please help us make a difference. We know that all families are not as fortunate as ours; they need our help as they continue to search for answers and hope. Autism Speaks is investing millions of dollars to fund research into the causes, prevention, treatments and cure, so we walk to spread awareness and support continued research. We walk for Tyler, will you join us?

With Love and Gratitude,

Teresa Grumbles

Here are some links for you:

Team Tyler
http://www.walknowforautismspeaks.org/austin/teamtyler

My Page
http://www.walknowforautismspeaks.org/austin/tgrumbles

My Gee-Gee

Today, I have a mixture of emotions running through me – grief, sadness, loss and love. My beloved grandmother Gee-Gee passed away a year ago today, leaving behind an entire family, lost without her presence. I feel incredibly sad that my boys will never know their great-grandmother, for she was the tie to another lost loved one, their grandmother Sharon (my mom) who passed away in 1984.

My grandmother was not your typical grandmother, but I loved that about her. You wouldn’t catch her baking cookies if you stopped by. I LOVED everything about her. She was an intellectual, a writer, a poet and she loved to talk and laugh. She could out talk just about anyone I knew. My dad, in his deep East Texas accent, would say, “She could talk the ears off a Billy goat.” I loved that I could talk about all sorts of topics with her. I especially loved talking politics with her. She would make me laugh so hard when she would tell me how she always voted for the better looking candidate. Since that was subjective, I was always left wondering who she really voted for.

Gee-Gee loved life and life loved her. She loved all of her grandchildren with a great passion, and was so proud when her great-grandchildren were born, from her first until her last. She always kept pictures of Tyler and Luke, above her bed in the nursing home and would always ask about "her babies" when I would visit her. I remember when I had just had Luke, he was 2 months old, and she asked me when I was going to have another baby. I thought she was NUTS! I told her, “Gee-Gee, Luke is only 2 months old and he has colic! Are you kidding me?” At the time, I would have rather died than had another baby. Luke was a screamer, he would scream at the top of his lungs from the early afternoon until bedtime everyday for the first four months of his life. Since I was already struggling with Tyler’s diagnosis with autism, it nearly pushed me over the edge. Her question now serves as a reminder of how much she truly loved her family and wanted it to continue and grow.

I could go on and on sharing stories about her, but this one really pays tribute to her fun-loving personality. My cousin Johanna was born on Halloween, five days before me. So many of her early birthday celebrations were costume themed parties at her house on Little John Lane. One year in particular, I think we were four, Gee-Gee was late. She parked down the road, where no one could see her. Gee-Gee had a costume on, a very scary and convincing one. She walked up the street and came to the party and frightened all of the little children – she was a witch! Looking back on this, it’s hilarious! At the time, it may have been the scariest moment in our young lives and was quite traumatic. I wish someone could find this photo, what a funny memory!

Although my mom was taken from me too young, I am blessed to have had such an amazing and inspiring woman as my grandmother. She taught me to be strong, to love life and to do things I love. They same time heals, but I think I will always have a hole in my heart, for two of the most important women in my life, were taken from me. Instead of feeling sad, I feel the need to cherish my memories of them and honor my love. For in that way, I can always keep my mom and grandmother near and dear to my heart and that is where they will continue to live on.

The Good, The Bad and The Yucky!

During the fall, I become a football widow. Geoff is a football referee and travels all over Central Texas to work games. So I am alone, in a house of little men. Tonight, all was good and quiet in the Grumbles house which is normally a sign of impending doom. With Luke, the sound of a pin dropping normally means he us up to no good. So I leave the office and look in the playroom, he is not there. Then on to our bedroom and I see him, covered in red shreds, smiling at me with a look of accomplishment. I look at him, in all his glory, and laugh uncontrollably, for he is the ultimate mischief maker. According to legends told by my sisters, I was one too.

While I was inspecting the upstairs to see how far the sea of red shreds spread, Tyler told me he had an accident, of the poop variety and on our bed. I am thinking, yippee, I LOVE cleaning up poop! We go into his room and I clean him up. Luke then proceeds to come into the room with the diaper rash cream in his hand which he is spreading all over himself, thinking that he is of big help to me. I am thinking, “Could this get any worse? Calgon, take me away from this red shred and hiney cream hell.” So that was the beginning of my evening, a comedy of errors.

Sometimes good things come from unlikely places. After I cleaned up Tyler, he told me he wanted to go “poop it out on the potty.” I highly encouraged this and offered a wonderful incentive, M & M’s. So there he sat, on the potty, a place which has been the cause of much terror and dread for him and I stand there in amazement! And then it happens -- he poops! I am thinking, this has all been one wild and crazy nightmarish dream, so I pinch myself and let me tell you, it is real! Tomorrow, I will shop till I drop and bring home some blue underwear, at Tyler’s request. We are gonna get this poop party started and party like its 1999! And that is my taste of the good, the bad and the yucky.

Toot’s House

Settling into our new routine is taking some time to get used to. Slowly, but surely, we are getting there. Our biggest struggle with the new school year has been the bus. Tyler is having a hard time with this new transition -- having a new bus driver. But in time, it will work itself out.

Luke LOVES his new class. He is in the little pond this year, a precious little Duck. His teachers bring a smile to my face each day. I can see the love they have for their job in the way they treat each of the children and in the energy and enthusiasm they bring to their classroom. So all in all, we are blessed on all fronts.

I think the new school year has been harder for me to get adjusted to. I still yearn to go back to teaching. I am always a little sad when school starts and I am not in the classroom, among the dark world of teenagers, a world which I love. One day soon, I will be back, when it is the right time for me.

Right now, I am trying to find the balance between Tyler’s therapy schedule, volunteering at school, having fun with Luke and finding time for me. I have found that this is really important, I need my creative time and at the moment, I am not finding it. I am so overwhelmed with everything else now, so designing jewelry and scrapbooking will just have to wait. And then, there’s making time for my other love, reading. It’s a balancing act, but I will master it soon.

I am so excited with all of the new things I am noticing in Tyler - his excitement at the end of the day to tell me what he did at school, singing his songs and playing with his brother. He is making significant strides in the area of social interaction. At school, he has become more engaging with his peers by asking them to play and playing with them appropriately. He is also holding conversations quite well – we worked on this a lot this summer and it shows. His teachers and therapists have told me they notice an incredible difference in his language development. So the explosion I noticed with his language really did occur.

At the end of the day, my heart melts when I watch Tyler and Luke play together. They have such a special bond and for that, I am truly grateful. The other day, Luke and Tyler were playing and Luke was riding his fire truck, his latest obsession. Tyler asks him, “Luke, you want to go to Toot's house?” And I’m thinking, “who is Toot?” The boys start laughing uncontrollably. Then it dawns on me, this is a joke that Tyler has going on with his brother about flatulence and I love it! Make room for little boy potty humor, it couldn't get here fast enough and it is here to stay.