Thankful

With as hard as it has been to “join the club,” and come to the realization that Tyler has autism, I still feel so blessed. I have two incredibly amazing little boys who wow and inspire me every day. They both love school and their teachers. They are both making so much progress this year in their respective classes, Tyler in his Pre-K inclusion class and Luke in his Ducks class at Hays Hills Baptist CLC. Most importantly, they are happy and healthy little boys who exude love.

We are getting a different experience with Luke since Tyler was a late talker due to his autism. Luke talks non-stop all day long. His little voice is so precious and sweet and higher than Tyler’s “Barry White” voice. Most autistics have deeper or monotone sounding voices. On the way home from school today, Luke was telling me all about his school day without any prompting.

“I saw teachers today.”

“I play outside.”

“I play with Kennedy.”

“I take nap.”

I was so excited to hear all of this! When you have an older child on the spectrum, one of the greatest fears you have is that your younger one might have autism too. Not that there would be anything wrong with that, it would just make life a little harder. Making sure that all of your children got the services they need would be the number one priority. So far, so good with Luke, although he still has noise sensitivities. I have read this is common of siblings, to have one or more of the characteristics of autism. Some people say it is environmental, that vaccines cause autism, but I feel that the number one cause is genetic. We have autism on both sides of our family; we did not know this until after Tyler was diagnosed. I do feel that there is some sort of environmental trigger that plays a part; maybe one day we will find out.

There can be a lot of shame when you have a child with special needs, like there is something you did which caused it. Many people have a hard time talking about it, because they feel people will not understand, which is true. The only people who TRULY understand my situation are those who have been through it themselves. No one can understand the sadness and the loss that comes from hearing the diagnosis, unless it is another parent who has heard the same thing. I remember feeling like I had done something to cause Tyler’s autism and was so relieved to hear his neurologist tell me, with a sad, yet compassionate look in his eyes "there was nothing you did to cause this." It took a load off my shoulders. I remember not wanting to talk about Tyler having special needs of any kind to anyone pre-diagnosis; I didn’t want people to treat him differently. I wanted them to see what I saw, a beautiful and intelligent little boy who just needed to have a voice. I am happy to say that he has a voice now, and he is heard. And now, I am loud and proud. I will talk to just about anyone about autism, whether they want to hear about it or not. I have an intense need to share my experience with others, to bring about more understanding and compassion for children and people with differences.

While we still struggle to have conversations with Tyler, his language continues to blossom. I can ask him about his school day, and he can tell me what he did. Last year, I couldn’t get him to tell me what he had done at school. Today, this was the report:

“I rode the bus today.”

“I see Ms. Melissa today.”

“I played with my friends in pretend center.”

“I got to wear Ms. Melissa’s badge.”

The fact that Tyler is talking about playing with friends is amazing! He has struggled with initiating appropriate play with friends for years now. He loves his friends at school and really enjoys telling me about Jaden, Jayce, Gino, Chloe and Triniti.

I could not ask for a better learning environment for the boys or better teachers. Luke can count to 20 and knows all of his ABC’s. He enjoys singing songs, especially the ABC’s and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Tyler has known all of his letters since he was 18 months old, even though he couldn’t tell me, I knew. He had this leapfrog phonics bus and he would quiz himself, matching sounds to letters. He can count to 40 or 50 now. He also LOVES to sing and has recently developed an interest in singing to what is on the radio, which makes me smile.

I guess I am writing today, because I am so grateful! I have a heart full of love and pride and my boys to thank for that. I am in a better place now, I am in acceptance. There is nothing that I cannot conquer! The world better watch out, because here I come.