Favorite Snapshots and Moments of Christmas

We had such a wonderful Christmas this year. We carried on with old traditions and began new ones. The boys loved the Zilker Christmas tree, so that was our new one. We used to go to the Trail of Lights with Tyler, but now it is dead and gone. As usual, we baked and decorated cookies for Santa. This year, we made so much fudge and cookies, we had enough to share with all of the special people in our lives -- these are the people who lift me up and make my heart smile. I think that is one of my favorite things about Christmas, baking cookies and sharing the love.

The boys have become professional gift unwrappers, especially Luke. He got busted on several occasions before the big day, opening presents that were not his to open. I especially enjoyed the delight in their eyes as they opened up gifts and the sheer excitement of seeing what it was. My favorite moment had to be when Luke unwrapped a present from his cousins and said, “Wow! It’s a box. I got a box!” It was so cute, and he was REALLY excited. If only I could bottle all of that sweetness up, I would save it for later, when the boys are teenagers. All in all, a joyous holiday – time with family, dear friends and eyes full of wonder, the best things in life.

I am looking forward to the New Year. I am hopeful 2011 will be a year of wonderful change for me. The biggest of which will be my return to work, the world of hormonoids. I know it will be a challenge, but I am ready. I have missed teaching so much, especially touching the lives of so many on a daily basis. One of my biggest strengths I have in the classroom is the rapport I have with my students and the fact that I can relate to their world. I will also have a totally different perspective, since my world has changed tremendously since 2006. I now have two little boys, one with special needs. I think this will make me an even better teacher and more relatable to the parents whose shoes I walk in. I have so much compassion and empathy and I think this will be very empowering for my students and their parents. Watch out world and get ready, because here I come.

Wishing all of you a blessed and beautiful New Year!

Cute and Funny Little Grumbleisms 2

The boys are so funny and make me laugh all the time with the cute little things they say and do. Here are some of the more recent ones.

1. Tyler jumps in bed to snuggle with Luke and I and Luke tells Tyler, “Get out of MY bed Tyler!” My little man does not like to share mommy with anyone.

2. Geoff asks Tyler if he wants to go watch a football playoff game. And Tyler says, “Sure Daddy. After you clean your room.” Tyler is Mr. OCD and is always wanting to vacuum and clean house.

3. We are all about gender in the house lately. Tyler will recite everyone in our family and tell us their gender. Tyler says, “Daddy is a girl-boy!” I laughed hysterically and Geoff jokingly says, “I have a confession to make, I’m transgender.”

4. Luke beat us downstairs the other day and we caught him getting a snack out of the fridge. He had already chowed down most of it by the time we got downstairs, but was still chewing a little. This made me nervous, since I had no idea what he had gotten into. We asked Luke what he was eating and this was his reply, “I eat the muffin man.” Fortunately it was a pumpkin muffin and not a real or imaginary person.

5. Geoff was putting on his shoes and noticed that his laces were completely undone. Luke is really mischievous and is always getting into things, just like when mommy was little. Geoff says, “Luke, please leave daddy’s shoes alone.” Tyler replies, “Oh no Lukie! I am going to write a note and put it in your folder.” This is what happens at school when Tyler misbehaves – we laughed really hard.

6. A few weeks back, I got a new bedroom furniture set delivered. They boys and I waited downstairs while the delivery men were setting things up. I was multi-tasking, working on a digital scrapbook and chatting online with my dear friend Amber. The men came downstairs and I looked up. Luke had gotten into my purse and had 2 maxi pads adhered to his face. I was mortified! No wonder the delivery men had horrified looks on their faces. I should have taken a picture so I could embarrass Luke when he’s a teenager.

7. I flew out to California to visit my cousin Johanna for Veteran’s Day weekend. The boys went to the airport with Geoff to pick me up and they missed the turnoff for the baggage claim area. Luke got upset and said, “Daddy, go get mommy, PLEASE!!!” So cute, I guess he missed me and needed some mommy love.

8. Tyler is over at Grammy and Pa’s house and looks down at the floors. “Grammy, your floors are very dirty. I think you need to vacuum.” So I explain to Tyler that it is not nice to go to other people’s houses and tell them to clean. Later, when we got home, he lifted up the rug in our kitchen and told me, “Mommy, I see lots dirt, I think I need to vacuum.” If only I were that motivated.

9. Tyler had a dentist appointment recently, so I braved it and took both boys with me. They actually did very well. Tyler was so proud and kept smiling, showing me his clean teeth. On the way back to school, we stopped to get some lunch and the boys ate in the cafeteria with Tyler’s class when we got back to school. Luke lined up with Tyler’s preschool class and walked back to the classroom to say goodbye to Tyler. Luke was not a happy camper, he wanted to go back to Tyler’s class and see his friend, the hamster. Out in the hallway, he began to tantrum and I saw one of the teacher assistants. I told Luke "bye" and to "have fun with Ms. Carol." Luke followed me all the way back to the front of the school. I love how reverse psychology works with my little man.

There is never a dull moment in our house, the little Grumbles men make sure of it.

The Train Wreck of Rage

I am really sad to share this blog post, but this is the fugly side of autism. People need to know the good, the bad and the ugly to have a sense of understanding and compassion.

It started when Geoff and I got back from our Oregon trip, the meltdowns, the anger and rage and I just want it to go away! Tyler has always been a happy little boy. Lately, I have noticed that changes in his routine throw him into such a tizzy he can’t seem to cope and will have a wild, raging meltdown. Even anxiety medication doesn’t seem to help. And of course, my guilt consumes me for once being a little selfish and getting away.

Meltdowns are mostly saved up for me, since I am the lucky one and in the presence of our home, but recently he had one at a friend’s house and I was so embarrassed. Thankfully I have two amazing friends in Ryan and Vanessa – they are so understanding and would move mountains to help me. I know that Tyler can’t control it, he gets overstimulated or overly anxious, he can't properly express himself and then just shuts down all sense of rationality and reason. He used to just scream, cry and hit things or me, but now he has started to take things out on Luke and I will not tolerate that. I feel so helpless!

Yesterday, he got a hold of my keys. I had plans for the evening and he lost my keys which really frustrated and annoyed me.

Me: “Tyler, where are my keys?”

Tyler: “I hid them!”
I found that to be odd, since Tyler has the most amazing memory of anyone I know, he always seems to remember and find things.

Me: “Go and find them NOW, mommy needs to drive the car.”

Tyler: “I don’t know where the keys are!”

Me: “Please go and find mommy’s keys now!”

This is when the screaming rage of an hour long train wreck tantrum started and ruined my otherwise lovely day. There is no way to calm my child when he gets that worked up. It starts as crying, then loud screaming, then hitting or throwing anything in sight. Luke just happened to be nearby, was trying to comfort Tyler and he was kicked and beaten. My heart broke in a million pieces. First and foremost as a parent, you must provide a safe, happy and loving home for your children. I felt like a failure! So while I comforted Luke, Tyler’s rage continued in cool down. Wild and animal-like, he destroyed our hall tree. I can’t even remember how I calmed him, everything seems like a blur. And in his wild rage, I cried and couldn’t stop; the tears flowed down my face like a flooded river. There is only so much stress, grief and sadness that one person can bear. Eventually, it ended and he told us he was sorry. He also gave me a big kiss and snuggled with me. I then began to wonder what the future would hold, especially when he is a teenager and much bigger than me. But I just need to think positively and hope and pray that things will get better, they sure as hell can’t get any worse. Seriously, I am about to have a jihad against keys. We are done with them! No more keys for our boy until this obsession is dead and gone!

Today, another meltdown and an even wilder response from Tyler – our house looked like it had been burglarized. Things were in disarray, not only our house, but our life. We called his neurologist and I am hopeful that an increase in his medicine dosage will help him.

Still, I am incredibly sad. I want my sweet little boy back, but most of all I want him to be happy, because if he is happy, then I am too. I have learned a lot from this craziness, and think next time, if there is another Mt. St. Helens like eruption, I will try music. Tyler LOVES Michael Jackson and Usher. Right now his favorite songs are “Billie Jean” and “DJ’s got us falling in love again.” I-pod, here we come.

Another reason I wanted to share this ugly side of autism is in hope that everyone will have more compassion for parents they see in public places who have children tantruming. More than likely, that child is not a brat, but has some sort of ASD. Instead of making judgments about the parenting skills of that person, have empathy and love. I think one of the most amazing things that Tyler’s autism has taught me is to have even more sensitivity and empathy toward others, especially those with differences. Even with all of the hardships, I think I am a better person. It has also made me strong and fierce -- I feel like I can conquer the world and do anything I set my mind to and that is a good thing.

On a more positive note, Tyler pooped on the potty today. It was all on his own accord, he just decided he needed to go. I was in shock and awe! Big rewards and happy Tyler = happy me.

The Beauty and Magic of the Pacific Northwest

The icy splendor of Multnomah Falls
The Bridge of the Gods
Cascade Locks, Oregon



Trees along the trail at Silver Lake
A beautiful leaf I encountered along a trail
Franz Lake on the Washington side of the gorge and my favorite picture
Cascade Mountains across the street from our hotel
Horsetail Falls
Geoff and I at Multnomah Falls
Columbia River Gorge overlook on the Multnomah Falls trail
A pretty stream
Bridal Veils Creek
A Scenic Overlook, Historic Highway 30

Chanticleer Point
Mount Hood

I have always been drawn to the Pacific Northwest and finally got the chance to go with Geoff over Thanksgiving break. I took tons of pictures, about 400 and wanted to share some of my favorites with you. I was blown away by the breathtaking scenery -- the waterfalls, the mountains, the trees. I was in heaven, if only for a long weekend. The first day was cold and icy, so it limited what Geoff and I could do. We explored Multnomah Falls and I was mesmerized by the icy beauty and wonder of the falls. Due to the ice on the trail, we were only able to take in the grand view, the entirety of the falls. On Sunday, we were able to take the high trail and were misted by the cold waters of the upper falls.

The following day, we explored the Washington State side of Columbia River Gorge. We woke up to snowfall -- big, cotton-ball like flakes of snow. I thought it couldn't get any better, but it did! I fell in love with the Evergreen State and would move there in a heartbeat. I am already planning our next trip, jam packed with things we didn't get a chance to explore this time around. We also explored the Mt. St. Helens area. I was disappointed that the weather conditions did not allow us to see the mountain, it was obscured by clouds, but the Silver Lake Visitor Center was amazingly informative and beautiful. I especially enjoyed our little hike along the trail, taking in the sight and scent of the pines and the eerie beauty of the lake. We finally got a glimpse of Mt. St. Helens on Monday, an aerial view, as we ascended the air above Portland, making our way back home to Texas.

Our last day in the Columbia River Gorge turned out to be the best, we saw so many falls and stunning views. The Pacific Northwest has such a magical quality which is in part due to the geography, the mists from the falls, the low clouds and smokiness of the mountains. Some of my favorite places that day included Horsetail Falls, upper Multnomah Falls, Bridal Veil Falls and Chanticleer Point. I also enjoyed exploring downtown Portland, especially the Saturday Market and Powell's Books.

*A special thanks to Grammy and Pa for watching the boys so Geoff and I could make this trip and to Pa Pa (Dad) for taking care of the dogs. We had such a wonderful time and are truly grateful.

Thankful for Fall

As Thanksgiving approaches, my favorite holiday, I have been thinking about all of the things I am thankful for. The reason I love Thanksgiving so much is because it is about being thankful, being with family and those who are near and dear to your heart, the people you love. I have so many things of which I am thankful – my wonderful family, precious boys, amazing friends and the freedom I enjoy here in this great nation.

A long talk with a friend the other day made me think of things I sometimes take for granted, the simple and beautiful things in life:

1. The beauty in nature. This year, I have been on the go so much, so each time I take a step outside and jump in my car, the change in colors dances around in my eyes, filling them with shades of red, yellow, gold, green and brown. The fall leaves are changing and falling all around me. I love this time of year and I think it is going to be spectacular. One day I would love to be in the Northeast or the Smoky Mountains and soak it all in.

2. The crispness of the fall air. Outside the other day, not only did I notice the crisp freshness, but also the smokiness from a nearby fireplace. It brought back wonderful memories of childhood, raking and jumping in leaves, watching my Dad cut wood, riding in the wheelbarrow, fires in our wood burning fireplace, the wonderful smells of fall. It makes me think of home and family.

3. The beautiful sky. Sometimes gray, sometime blue, sometimes overcast, but always enough to boost my mood and bring me some much needed energy. A big, gorgeous Texas sky. A week ago, my spirits were down. I was thinking of my grandmother who passed away a year ago and wishing she was still here. Tuesday was her birthday and it turned out to be a rotten day for me. As I walked outside to wait for Tyler’s bus, I looked up and the sun shined down on me. It was an automatic mood booster. Then, a ladybug landed on my shoulder and I knew she was with me. I softly put her in my hand and set her free.

4. Snuggling with my little men. Tyler has always been a snuggler, Luke not so much. Yesterday, Luke wanted to snuggle with me on the couch under a warm and fuzzy blanket, so I took advantage of this opportunity. I even forgot that we needed to get ready for school and just enjoyed the moment of snuggling and watching Sesame Street.

5. Long and lazy walks. There is nothing better than taking a long walk and seeing all of the beauty in nature. Taking your time, even looking for animals. Little hikes, long hikes, leisurely strolls. I hope that one day soon my boys will love to do this as much as I do, that it will be something I can share with them. Lately, I have been longing to hike through Bastrop State Park, to see and smell the tall pines. Maybe a weekend soon.

I am always thankful for my family and friends, they make my life so worthwhile, but so does nature. I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and spend it with people you love. I also hope you take time to enjoy the little things. It’s the little things and moments which make me feel alive and plant a smile on my face.

The Big Red Barn

We spent a beautiful Tuesday last week at Crowe’s Nest Farm with Tyler’s Pre-K class. The weather was gorgeous, windy, crisp and cool – it felt like fall. I was a little worried about this field trip. Tyler had gotten car sick a few days prior and I was afraid he would puke all over the bus. I told his teachers to withhold snack and water from him on the bus to prevent such an episode from spoiling the field trip for all involved. I am happy to say that we survived the field trip without any puking.

Highlights of our field trip were the hay ride, milking the cow and the pot belly pig. The hay ride was a blast! The farmer drove his tractor like a Nascar driver, so we had to hold on for dear life. We toured parts of the farm on our ride and saw ostriches, buffalo, ponies and longhorns. Tyler was intrigued with the ostrich egg that we saw - it was huge. He also thought it was funny how the ostriches ate their food – their bobbing head movements made us laugh.

The dairy barn was an adventure. The farmer asked the kids if they liked milk and then he grabbed an utter and squirted the first row. This was gross and funny all at the same time and I had a hard time containing my laughter. Thankfully no children with milk allergies were harmed. After he explained to the children the process of getting milk from the cow to HEB, he hooked up old Bessie and milked her. Tyler was mesmerized – he loves milk – and he especially enjoyed the loud noise the machine made. A couple of times later he gravitated toward the dairy barn, wanting to hear the sound again, but we moved on to complete our walking tour.

The animals were fun to see. Tyler loved the potbelly pigs and my favorite had to be the goats. I like the fact that they are so wild and fearless. One got up in my face and begged for some food. I think he would have eaten my jacket if I got any closer. Goats will eat anything! We also saw ducks, lambs, donkeys, mules, a porcupine, butterflies, snakes and turtles. All in all, it was a lovely, fun-filled and educational day at the Big Red Barn.

Halloween 2010

We had a great Halloween this year! Tyler enjoyed helping me carve our pumpkin while Luke was napping. He always wants a “happy face” pumpkin. The boys dressed up as Buzz Light Year and Woody. They were excited to wear their costumes and go trick-or-treating at their grandparent’s houses. Luke was having an independent streak and did not want me to help him get his costume on, so he was not a happy camper when we loaded up in the truck and headed to Grammy and Pa’s. They looked so adorable, but were not the most cooperative when it came to photo opportunities, which frustrated this scrapbooking mama!

Tyler and Luke got plenty of candy and even some cookies from Pa Pa. I had a lapse of memory and was not thinking about the issue we used to have with Tyler – car sickness. He has not had a bout of car sickness since January. Low and behold, on our way home, we had to pull over and the vomiting ensued – too much candy, a cookie and a happy meal had not settled very well on his tummy. So we headed back home to hand out Halloween candy.

The boys loved handing out candy and telling everyone “Happy Halloween!” While I was bathing Luke, the door bell rang. We had more trick-or-treaters and Luke jumped out of the bath tub. He wanted to greet them while naked. I had to explain to him that greeting trick-or-treaters butt naked was inappropriate. Of course he didn't understand and protested quite vehemently. Even though our trick-or-treating was short-lived, the boys were happy and content, which made me smile. This is what life is all about, simple joys.