To Infinity and Beyond...

The boys are having a love fest with Toy Story lately -- they want to watch Toy Story over and over again, almost every day. Sometimes, they'll sneak into the playroom and put in the video. By the time I get up there, they are mesmerized and wrapped up in that wonderful, magical toy world.

Because of this recent obsession, Tyler decided he wanted to be Woody for Halloween, so I thought it would be perfect if Luke was his side-kick, Buzz. It is actually so fitting for my little men. In the movies, Woody and Buzz become best friends -- Tyler and Luke are inseperable and much to my pleasure, they have also become best friends. I have a feeling they will both look out for each other one day.

Recently, I have been thinking quite a bit about what the future holds for Tyler. He continues to make great strides and has been wowing his therapists with the things he can do. I have also been reading a lot about bullying, and how hard it is for children and teens who are different to fit in. I am hopeful that Tyler's educational experience will continue to be wonderful, that we will be blessed with the best teachers and caring students each year. I know this will not always be the case, but it is my hope. But, if things don't work out that way, I know Luke will be there, to look out for his brother, with a great love and ferocity. Siblings of autistics are extremely compassionate and undestanding individuals. And I will be there to guide him along the way. To infinity and beyond...

The Pumpkin Patch

The boys and I went to the Manchaca United Methodist Church annual pumpkin patch on Monday for some fun and pictures. The boys love pumpkins! Luke really enjoyed picking up the smaller ones and running around with them. Tyler was intrigued with the "bumpy" pumpkins and enjoyed taking pictures and meeting up with our friends, Chris, Natalie and Zach. The fall is my favorite time of year and going to the pumpkin patch with the boys has to be one of my all-time favorite things to do.

The Curse of the Vacuum

Tyler loves the vacuum, which is kind of funny. A couple of years ago, just the sight of the vacuum would send him into a meltdown. He was scared of the vacuum and did not like the loud sound. It was a sensory issue. Tyler has supersonic hearing, like Superman, and the sound of the vacuum was piercing and painful to his ears. Yesterday, he had off from school and I lost count how many times he asked me to vacuum, but for some reason, 500 sounds about right. Those of you who have a child with autism (or an elderly parent), know that the repetitiveness of the disorder can be quite maddening.

Tyler woke up a little before 6 am on Monday and that is when it began, “Mommy, you want to vacuum?” And I would reply, “Not now Tyler, Luke is still asleep.” Around 8 am, I was talking to my sister Sharisse on the phone. As I was telling her of the constant nagging, I said, “I DO NOT WANT TO FREAKIN’ VACUUM AT 7AM!” To which Tyler replied, “MOMMY, YOU WANT TO FREAKIN’ VACUUM?”

So at 8:15 am, when Luke finally woke up and after countless requests for me to vacuum, I finally gave in. But that was not the end, just the beginning. Later in the day, he wanted me to vacuum downstairs. “Mommy, the floor smells dirty downstairs, you need to vacuum.” He actually sniffed it – the quirkiness of autism! When Geoff got home, I had HAD it with the vacuum nagging. He told me, just blow it off. Easy for him to say, he didn’t get nagged 500 times today to “go vacuuming.” And that may be a low estimate. I needed some quiet time, or surely I would be heading to the nut house, so Geoff took the boys upstairs and bathed them. Meanwhile, I enjoyed the silence.

Today, the nagging began as soon as he woke up. He changed his tune, “Daddy, it’s your turn to vacuum. You want to go vacuuming.” Of course, Geoff told him, “No, not today.” After school, he started with his request again, getting up in my face and giving me some awesome eye contact. So, we brought the vacuum downstairs. But today was different; he wanted to vacuum by himself, so I let him. I asked him why he loved vacuuming so much and he told me, “Mommy, vacuuming makes me happy.” As a parent, that is one of the most important things you want for your child, for them to be happy. I am just overjoyed that he can now answer questions like that and tell me how he really feels. The more and more this year progresses, the more growth I see in Tyler. I am so proud of ALL of his progress, even if it means I will have to indulge him with his nagging.

So that is the blessing and the curse of the vacuum. At least you will always know that I have clean floors – I vacuum almost every day!

Editor's note: No Child Labor Laws were broken in relation to this post. First photo courtesy of Tyler Grumbles.

Tyler's Pumpkin Patch Pictures

Tyler has become quite the photographer lately! I gave him my retired camera a few weeks back, and he hasn't stopped taking pictures. Today, we made a quick trip to the pumpkin patch and met up with our friends, Chris, Zach and Natalie. These were some of the best ones he took. He has an eye for a good picture and is quite talented for a five-year-old. I guess he has inherited my love of capturing moments and preserving memories.

Cute, Funny and Wonderful Little Grumbleisms

The boys have made me laugh so much this week, with the cute little things they say and do. I thought I would share some of my favorites with you.

1. I was kissing Luke, my super kissable, chubby-cheeked little man the other day and he says in all of his cuteness, “Mommy, stop it!” So cute, but apparently getting kisses from mommy in public is out now -- he’s only TWO!

2. Tyler to Luke after Luke sits on the potty, “Luke, if you go poop in the potty, you can wear Ms. Melissa’s badge.” The badge is Tyler’s reward for going poop in the potty at school. Luke looks at Tyler with a “whatever” look.

3. Tyler to Geoff, “Daddy, you went poop in the potty! You can pick out a treat.” This one had me in hysterics. I laughed so hard that I nearly cried. Geoff laughed too, but not so much.

4. Tyler blows his whistle and says, “Mommy, come here! I need a snack.” This was hilarious! At school, he hears Mrs. De Alcala, one of the Pre-K teachers calling her students in, “Mrs. De Alcala’s class, please come in, it’s time for a snack.”

5. At speech therapy on Thursday, Tyler made a poop in the potty! The first he has ever done in a public bathroom other than school. “Mommy, I made a KA-PLUNK!” I was so proud of him! Wonderful progress.

6. Friday morning, we were getting ready to go to story time at the Hampton Branch library. We were meeting Luke’s “girlfriend” Hazel. I had some things to pick up at Hobby Lobby, so I asked Luke if he wanted to go to Hobby Lobby. “NO MOMMY! I go see Hazel.”

7. Luke tells Chama, the dog, “No eat my cookies!” A couple of weeks ago, our cousin’s dog ate Luke’s cookie and he nearly cried.

8. While changing Luke's diaper, he says, “Bye Bye, poo-poo. See you next time.” I guess Luke just needs some closure.

9. For years, we have not been able to use toothpaste with Tyler for fear of it getting puked in our faces. The other day, he tells me, "Mommy, I want some toothpaste." So I obliged and put a little on his toothbrush. He brushed his teeth and rinsed his mouth out with water, without gagging or vomiting. I am still in amazement!

10. When I was shopping last week, Luke and I had to stop off in the ladies room, because I needed to go to the bathroom. So, I had a little audience. After flushing the potty, Luke exclaims in his sweet, yet excited voice, “Yay Mommy! You went pee-pee in the potty.” He also clapped. I guess you can tell we are all about potty training at our house right now. It was precious and made me laugh. It also made the other lady in the bathroom laugh.

11. Last night, during bath-time and out of the blue, Tyler decides he wants to take a shower. So he does. My big boy is growing up!

12. Today, Tyler nagged me to vacuum the house, telling me "Mommy, I need to freakin' vacuum! The floors are dirty downstairs." I have a little neat freak who wishes I would vacuum and clean every day.

It’s the little things that make life incredibly special at our house and keep me smiling.

Beautiful Day

I had a hard time getting out of bed today, but I am so glad I did. What an amazing day it was – the perfect day for a walk, The Greater Austin Walk Now for Autism. The last time I did the walk, it was 2008 and it was so cold! This year, the weather was perfect, in the 70s, not a cloud in the sky, a big beautiful Texas sky. Looking around me, I saw many other people like me, parents of children with autism, at various places on the spectrum. I felt bad that Tyler wasn’t there, but it would have been incredibly over-stimulating for him – the people, the sites, the sounds. The boys had been sick earlier this week and we had tickets for Curious George Live later in the day, so Geoff and I decided to keep them at home.

I am proud to say that we exceeded our Team Tyler goal. As I turned in my donations, I thought about the good they would bring, as the search for answers continues. I am so glad I was not alone, Sammie, my mother-in-law (with more emphasis on mother), accompanied me. We had such a great time and saw some old and new friends along the way. We also saw Darth Vader, his storm troopers and Geoffrey from Toys R’ Us. Tyler was terrified of these characters last time. I was excited to take a picture with Darth Vader; I LOVED Star Wars growing up. One day, I am sure Tyler will too.

Loriana Hernandez, anchor of Fox 7 News was the emcee, as she is year after year. Her niece Maggie has autism and as she told her story, my eyes filled with tears. I was so overwhelmed by emotion and the feeling that I am not alone in this. Another lady shared her story, and once again, tears streamed down my face. I have always been an empathetic person, but I feel even more so now. And this cause is so near and dear to my heart, yet still a little new. I could not hold back the tears and they flowed down my face like a waterfall. But they were not tears of sorrow; they were tears of joy at being in a large group of people who had the same life experience as me. It’s important to find comfort in others, especially ones who share a similar experience -- autism. Darth Vader and his storm troopers probably thought I was a nutcase, but you know what, who cares? These were tears I could no longer hold back, and they freed up something in me. They also made me think of my journey and the hope I have for Tyler.

Another lady talked about how hard autism is on the family as a whole, on the siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles. I remember after Tyler was diagnosed, what an emotional train wreck I was! I also remember how hard it was on my sisters and Tyler’s grandparents. I have never talked about this with anyone. They wanted to help out so much, but they did not know what to say or what to do. But having my family and close friends helped me get through it, even if they felt helpless; with their love and support, they really helped lift me up and out of despair. This certainly has made me a stronger person and I do feel that there is nothing I cannot conquer.

I have high hopes that next year I will exceed my goal and donations from this year. At first I was discouraged and felt that I would not reach my goal, but slowly and surely, things looked up. I need to make time to do this every year. Giving back is extremely important and something that we should all do, especially a cause that you feel so passionately about. Autism has certainly been that for me, a life changing and challenging experience, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The World In Tyler's Eyes

Yesterday, I had two sick little boys at home with me, Luke with his stomach bug and Tyler with his sore throat. Both were feeling better, but not yet ready to go back to school. So I tried to make the most of it; we read stories about fall, pumpkins, fire trucks and monkeys (Luke can relate to this!). We got out Tyler’s Handwriting Without Tears book and did the alphabet with Luke. Then Tyler found my retired camera and began taking snapshots of his life. He had so much fun! Of course, he started with the important things, the ceiling fan, his brother, lights, the TV, etc. When he was done, I enjoyed looking at all of his pictures and even posed for a few, sans make-up. After Tyler took all of his pictures, he would laugh when he saw the funny ones, like the one of Luke sticking his tongue out or me being silly. The most beautiful thing about these pictures is they are a glimpse into Tyler’s world -- the world in his eyes.

Thankful

With as hard as it has been to “join the club,” and come to the realization that Tyler has autism, I still feel so blessed. I have two incredibly amazing little boys who wow and inspire me every day. They both love school and their teachers. They are both making so much progress this year in their respective classes, Tyler in his Pre-K inclusion class and Luke in his Ducks class at Hays Hills Baptist CLC. Most importantly, they are happy and healthy little boys who exude love.

We are getting a different experience with Luke since Tyler was a late talker due to his autism. Luke talks non-stop all day long. His little voice is so precious and sweet and higher than Tyler’s “Barry White” voice. Most autistics have deeper or monotone sounding voices. On the way home from school today, Luke was telling me all about his school day without any prompting.

“I saw teachers today.”

“I play outside.”

“I play with Kennedy.”

“I take nap.”

I was so excited to hear all of this! When you have an older child on the spectrum, one of the greatest fears you have is that your younger one might have autism too. Not that there would be anything wrong with that, it would just make life a little harder. Making sure that all of your children got the services they need would be the number one priority. So far, so good with Luke, although he still has noise sensitivities. I have read this is common of siblings, to have one or more of the characteristics of autism. Some people say it is environmental, that vaccines cause autism, but I feel that the number one cause is genetic. We have autism on both sides of our family; we did not know this until after Tyler was diagnosed. I do feel that there is some sort of environmental trigger that plays a part; maybe one day we will find out.

There can be a lot of shame when you have a child with special needs, like there is something you did which caused it. Many people have a hard time talking about it, because they feel people will not understand, which is true. The only people who TRULY understand my situation are those who have been through it themselves. No one can understand the sadness and the loss that comes from hearing the diagnosis, unless it is another parent who has heard the same thing. I remember feeling like I had done something to cause Tyler’s autism and was so relieved to hear his neurologist tell me, with a sad, yet compassionate look in his eyes "there was nothing you did to cause this." It took a load off my shoulders. I remember not wanting to talk about Tyler having special needs of any kind to anyone pre-diagnosis; I didn’t want people to treat him differently. I wanted them to see what I saw, a beautiful and intelligent little boy who just needed to have a voice. I am happy to say that he has a voice now, and he is heard. And now, I am loud and proud. I will talk to just about anyone about autism, whether they want to hear about it or not. I have an intense need to share my experience with others, to bring about more understanding and compassion for children and people with differences.

While we still struggle to have conversations with Tyler, his language continues to blossom. I can ask him about his school day, and he can tell me what he did. Last year, I couldn’t get him to tell me what he had done at school. Today, this was the report:

“I rode the bus today.”

“I see Ms. Melissa today.”

“I played with my friends in pretend center.”

“I got to wear Ms. Melissa’s badge.”

The fact that Tyler is talking about playing with friends is amazing! He has struggled with initiating appropriate play with friends for years now. He loves his friends at school and really enjoys telling me about Jaden, Jayce, Gino, Chloe and Triniti.

I could not ask for a better learning environment for the boys or better teachers. Luke can count to 20 and knows all of his ABC’s. He enjoys singing songs, especially the ABC’s and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Tyler has known all of his letters since he was 18 months old, even though he couldn’t tell me, I knew. He had this leapfrog phonics bus and he would quiz himself, matching sounds to letters. He can count to 40 or 50 now. He also LOVES to sing and has recently developed an interest in singing to what is on the radio, which makes me smile.

I guess I am writing today, because I am so grateful! I have a heart full of love and pride and my boys to thank for that. I am in a better place now, I am in acceptance. There is nothing that I cannot conquer! The world better watch out, because here I come.

It's A Poop Thing!

A couple of weeks ago, I got together with the girls to celebrate Brandi’s birthday. We were all talking about the usual, what we have been up to and how things were going for our kids at school. They asked me how potty training was going with Tyler and if he had made any more progress with pooping on the potty. My reply was, “not really, but I’m hopeful.” Brandi told me about a favorite book of her children that they used to read, Everyone Poops, so I asked to borrow it. Low and behold, it has become a favorite of the boys. It’s quite hilarious -- the pictures, text and everything about it.

The next day, I read Everyone Poops to Tyler and he LOVED it! He reads it every day and talks about going poop on the potty and how all animals and people go poop on the potty. So whenever I change him, I always ask him “where does poop go Tyler?” “Poop goes in the potty Mommy!” The following day, we were getting the boys ready for bed. I decided to let Tyler run around naked for a while, hoping that if he had the urge to poop, he would run and sit on the potty. Then he tells me, “I need you to wipe my bottom.” So I take him to the bathroom and ask him if he wants to sit on the potty, which he does. As he is sitting on the potty, I have an epiphany, read Everyone Poops. So as he sits there, that’s exactly what I do. When I am finished, I close the door and give him his privacy. Then I hear, “I did it!” As I peered into the bathroom, I noticed a very excited Tyler, so I check the potty and there it is and ready to be flushed -- a brand new poop. We celebrated, did a happy dance, congratulated Tyler and rewarded him with a new Hot Wheels car. I think the more success Tyler has, the more he will feel confident and want to go on the potty, at home, at school, everywhere. I am REALLY looking forward to that day!

As we encourage Tyler toward achieving the goal of being fully potty-trained, I notice it’s all about poop and potty humor with the boys lately. Last Friday, we were at the visitation for Geoff’s uncle Tookie who had just passed away, and Tyler is talking about “tooting.” I was mortified! Looking back, it was funny, but still embarrassing nonetheless. There are just some things you don't say at a funeral home! I am hoping this poop and tooting obsession will lead us somewhere, preferably out of pull-ups.

Tonight, while getting the boys ready for bedtime, Luke fussed at Daddy because he wanted to rock and hear the bedtime stories from me. He cried the whole time while Geoff was reading to him. Luke came back into the room and says “I wanna rock with mommy,” so off we go back to the playroom to the glider rocker. As we leave Luke and Tyler’s room, Luke says. “Goodnight poopy Daddy, Goodnight poopy Tyler!” I laughed so hard at my comical little man. It’s a poop thing, you just wouldn’t understand!